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I refuse to admit I’m stupid, although it’s been suggested by many.

I think that at some point in time I had a serious accident that blew away a large portion of my brain. I really need to investigate this possibility because it would explain so much about me that I cannot comprehend. There are no telltale scars on my skull or pains deep in the lobes of my brain. Yet, there must be something.

Maybe aliens abducted me! They have pretty sophisticated surgical stuff I’ll bet. They would have no problem taking out a few pounds of my brain and never leave a mark on my skull. Heck. I probably wrote off the sudden weight loss to accidentally slipping into the Atkins diet for a day. Could be, but I doubt it. If an alien flew light years to come here and steal ME away in the night to look at MY brain, then I’d have to say the alien has had most of his brain abducted as well.

The reason I doubt my sanity once again is because at almost 60 years old I want to buy a motorcycle. I haven’t ridden in over two decades.

I’m no stranger to cycles. I have thousands of miles atop numerous rumbling masses of two wheeled rubber and steel whose only purpose is to transport you somewhere unsafely so that at the end of the ride you can honestly say “WOW”. I’ve had at least a dozen bikes over the years. I still sport a 10” piece of steel holding my right leg together as a reminder that cars don’t always see motorcycles on the road.

All of that was over 20 years ago. I am fully aware there is absolutely nothing that I can do as well today that I did twenty years ago, with the exception gaining weight. So the question is..why. Or, to quote my lovely wife “Dear GOD and all that’s holy!! WHY?!!

This is probably just a last ditch effort to belay the inevitable fate we all face. Old age. I’m not ready for blue hair and a matching poodle on my lap sitting in a motorhome gleefully awaiting my next doctor appointment. I’m not knocking those who do that. It’s just that I’m not ready yet. When that time comes I’ll know and go along willingly.

Now, what bike…

I used to like the big touring bikes that have stereos, and lots of gadgets. Maybe it’s the gadgets that are pulling me back. I really like gadgets. Who knows, maybe the newer gadget packages on motorcycles can dispense medications for old fools like me.

But now I need a bike that rides like a wheelchair on big rubber wheels. It must have all of the amenities that science can jam into a two wheeled frame with only one 12v battery. And shocks. I need space age shocks that glide me over freeways, road kills, and road shoulders. I need a seat with a dozen inches of memory foam, like the modern beds with the wine glass that doesn’t spill while some ravishing blonde jumps up and down. Well, forget the blonde, I’ve forgotten how to enjoy one of them.

So, there it is. There isn’t much I can really DO anymore but sit, so I’ll try motorcycling one more time.

All I need to do is first is find a suitable, comfortable bike, a back brace, and a divorce attorney. Oh yeah, and a helmet for a blue poodle.

Frank Gary Copywrite © 2003 Frank Gary

I wrote this in 2003 when I first had the idea to ride again. Since then I’ve had four motorcycles in addition to the one I now have. I have finally found my Baracalonger on wheels. FG 2009

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